The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants
by pr3ttygirl
Summary: Brooke struggles to let go of Lucas.


The excruciating pain had not yet subsided. In fact, it seemed to be worsening with each passing day, each reminisced memory. Brooke could no longer take it. But of course, she'd never admit that it was causing her so much angst. Instead, she'd take her frustration out on cake. Chocolate cake to be exact. Earlier that day she had made a quick stop at Food Lion so she could pick up a freshly baked dark chocolate cake complete with Godiva frosting, her very favorite. She knew herself well enough to have comfort food available ahead of time. Forcing herself up from the slum in the couch she had made by spending the entire weekend in one spot, the tiny brunette dragged herself to the kitchen.

It wasn't like Brooke to let things take such a toll on her but when it came to him, she couldn't help it. Until that very day, she couldn't put her finger on what she loved about him. He was helpless, he really was. A gentle uncertainty always accompanied his kind words and made them sound so much more poetic than he realized - it was captivating. After going through all of Tree Hill's potential suitors, Lucas Scott was a breath of fresh air for Brooke and the effect he had on her became so consuming that she found hard to breathe when he wasn't around.

If you know anything about Brooke Penelope Davis, you'd be appalled at the thought of her willing to give up her promiscuous lifestyle for a boy. That too, a boy with such little to offer. Well, to the naked eye it seemed as if he was offering close to nothing but according to two of Tree Hill's loveliest ladies, he was all a girl could ask for and then some. She fell for him quick and as gracefully as the sassy head cheerleader possibly could and though he was lost in licentious thoughts of her best friend, his heart quickly became Brooke's thanks to her radiating smile and enticing eyes.

When it came to love, Brooke liked to think of the fall as a plight. It was the pain of the initial plummet that attracted two people to one another and once the wounds healed and the heart was no longer sensitive to the touch, that was that. It was over. Done. But for some reason, the lesions she'd acquired when falling in love with Lucas seemed to be at a halt from recovering. It had been a little over a year and she was still pinning for the boy whose wounds had not only healed but already reopened for another.

Though she didn't want to believe it, Brooke knew full well that Luke no longer belonged to her. He didn't touch her the same way and his kiss, God, his kiss - it was nothing like it had once been. Before, she could feel his longing for her just by the way he brushed strands of her chestnut brown hair away from her porcelain cheek with the back of his finger. Now? It just wasn't the same. The butterflies still fluttered within her but his eyes no longer encouraged them. Instead, they shot and killed them, making her sick to her stomach every time she was near him.

Brooke searched the kitchen for a knife. It took her longer than it should have to find one considering it was her own house but eventually, she found a steak knife that would serve the purpose just fine. Knowing she would have to work extra hard at practice the next day, she slid the utensil into the cake and copied the action once more to cut herself a perfectly sliced piece.

"Fork. Fork. Fork."

She mumbled quietly to herself, licking the remnants of the pastry off of the knife by sliding the flat sides against her tongue until it was clean. She then dropped the knife into the sink and heard it chime against the ceramic almost mimicking the sound of the doorbell. Her heart stopped, but only for a minute. Grabbing a fork out of the drawer, Brooke began towards the living room do she could reclaim her spot on the couch. The doorbell rang again. Maybe it wasn't in her head the first time, maybe her heart knew who was on the other side and that's why it had stopped. Brooke hated the word maybe. She liked solidity. Rising from the sofa before she even fully sat down, she huffed out a breath of annoyance and slowly made her way through the large Davis abode. No one ever visited and when they did, knocking or ringing the doorbell was just too formal of an action. No one bothered. She knew exactly who was on the other side of the large wooden door but still hoped for it to be someone else. Anyone else. Fingers symbolically crossed, Brooke pulled open the door and immediately shut her eyes, not willing to subject herself to the sting that accompanied his presence.

"Brooke?"

Why did his voice make her heart pound and her knees weaken? It wasn't fair. The effect he unknowingly had on her made their relationship even more one way than her relationship with chocolate cake - it gave her a rounder ass and comfort but in return got nothing at all. She was Lucas' chocolate cake. Maybe she didn't make his ass round but she sure as hell gave him support, comfort and more love than she knew she was capable of giving and in return got close to nothing, except maybe getting eaten.

"Why are you here, Luke?"

"Look at me."

"No. I have things to do, just go."

"You're watching Natalie Portman movies and eating chocolate cake that you'll complain about tomorrow and then spend an extra twenty minutes trying to work off after practice. You're not busy."

Brooke's eyes darted open and met his before she even realized that she had given into his request. He was right. How the hell was he always so right? Well, not always. He wasn't right when he had broken up with her for the third time earlier that week because he needed to "evaluate" himself. Rolling her eyes at the sudden memory of him letting her go even though he promised he never would, Brooke leaned against the frame of the doorway.

"What do you want Luke?"

"You."

Did he really just? The nerve. Mustering up the anger that the tub of ice cream she had indulged in earlier buried away, Brooke pushed herself off of the frame of the door and crossed her arms tightly over her chest - partly because the urge to slap him was building up and partly because she was freezing cold.

"Don't you dare. I'm not your toy, Lucas! You can't have me whenever you want me and then throw me away the second your little crush on Peyton resurfaces. It's not fair! You don't get to have me. Not my body and sure as hell not my heart "

Before she was finished, stinging tears made their way down her face as if they were raindrops on the dashboard during the last shower of the fall before the snow made its way onto the ground and claimed the land as its own. He was making her cry. Again.

"Please don't. Brooke you're all I wanted all along, I just didn't see it. I'm the guy for you Bro-"

She had heard that bit one too many times. It was his way of getting her to bite the line before he reeled her in and she knew better than to sink her teeth into his bullshit once more. Staring at the man she loved, Brooke felt her heartbeat steady in her chest and it gave her the strength to finally accept that she needed to take back what she had given to him - her heart.

"This has been going on for months. We can't do this. I can't do this. I'm tired. Yes, I'm crazy about but you know what? You don't deserve me. I spent all this time felling like I'm inferior to you and I finally see that you're the pathetic one! You always say you're not ready to lose me but I'm ready to be lost. So just let me go."

The words pouring out of her were foreign to her heart, they were from her head. Wiping away lonesome tears with the side of her index finger, she managed a dimpled smile and slammed the door. Why hadn't he fought? He should have fought for her.

Taking her place on the couch once more, Brooke shoveled a small heap of the chocolate cake into her mouth. The doorbell rang. This time, she was sure of it. No maybes. Wiping away her tears, she once again rose and placed the rest of the cake on the coffee table. She had to practically drag herself t the door because she was just that reluctant to go through what was to come. Brooke wrapped her hand around the doorknob, once again knowing who was on the other side, and braced herself.

"Brooke?"

Her heart was pounding so loud that she wasn't really even sure if he had said her name, it was just assumed because every time he presented himself after a fight, he started with her name.

"Why are you here, Luke?"

"Look at me."

"No. Just go. I'm busy."

"You're watching Natalie Portman movies and eating chocolate cake that you'll complain about tomorrow and then spend an extra twenty minutes trying to work off after practice."

Was it really happening all over again?

"What do you want Luke?"

"You."

As if a million bricks had been lifted off of her little shoulders, Brooke let out a puff of air and slouched a bit in the doorway, helplessly argued with herself for a moment before finding his gaze. How could someone so right be so wrong? It didn't make sense. She wrapped her arms around herself, as if she was shielding her heart from him, and stepped forward into Lucas' arms.

"You have me."

She whispered against his chest, holding back so much for the sake of her own heart.


End file.
